Fit For Radio

Addicted, 350 Pounds, and Ready to Die… Until Everything Changed

• Drew Tydeman

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James Yount’s story is one of rock bottom, resilience, and redemption. As a young man chasing independence and purpose, James instead found himself consumed by meth addiction and trapped in a cycle that nearly cost him everything. During his darkest days, he isolated himself for months at a time, battling depression, failed suicide attempts, and a lifestyle that pushed his weight past 350 pounds.

But somewhere in the middle of the chaos, James made the decision to fight for his life. One step at a time, he began pulling himself out of the darkness. He got sober, transformed his health, lost the weight, and learned how to care for himself again—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

This episode is about what happens when someone refuses to quit, even when they keep falling along the way. James shares the painful realities of addiction, the loneliness that comes with it, and the long road back to becoming the man he wanted to be. Today, he has rebuilt his life from the ground up, is happily married, and now works as a manager at a successful gym where he helps others pursue healthier lives of their own.

James’ journey is proof that even after your lowest moments, it’s still possible to rebuild your future—one day, one decision, and sometimes one stumble forward at a time.

Introducing James Yount

SPEAKER_00

There was a point in time where I did not leave my home. I mean, I don't step outside of my four walls of my house for like eight months. I hated my existence. And I have done my very best to make an amends with my children. These words are really difficult to say, and I've shared them before, but it doesn't make it any easier. When you hate yourself more than you can love the people that you need to love the most, it makes being a parent really difficult.

SPEAKER_01

It's the Fit for Radio podcast. I'm your host, Drew Tiedeman, and we are inside the studio at the Stafford Hills Club, like we are all the time. And I gotta tell you, I was at the pool yesterday, beautiful sunny day, and it was popping out there. Um, kids eating a little bit of flatbread pizza at the saltwater pool. And I will say this: here's a little fun fact. My oldest daughter has long, beautiful hair, but every time we get out of a chlorine pool, she tries to brush the thing and it's a complete knot fest. And yesterday, as we're leaving the pool, she's combing her hair and it's like a Rapunzel moment, where she's like, oh my god, I think I figured it out. I can swim. It just needs to be in a saltwater pool. So check him out, Stafford Hills Club or Staffordhills.com and tell him Drew said you get half off your initiation and do it quick because family memberships are filling up, and that means you'll end up on a wait list, and I want to see you at the pool. Right now, though, we are transitioning into a guest I've been wanting to sit down with for a while. It actually, it's crazy how far back I go with this guy, and he has uh he's seen it all. He went from a college kid to living his life to rock bottom and all the way back. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show. James Yaunt. Thanks, Drew. I'm really excited to be here. I'm that's pretty awesome. I'm glad you're here. Now, I was actually driving in this morning. I was doing the math. The last time I saw you was I'm maybe, maybe

Reconnecting After Years

SPEAKER_01

I've seen you once in between, but 27 years? Probably.

SPEAKER_00

Was there a time in between? I think I ran into you at a football game? At a foot at a like a tailgate at a football game, and but that was probably still 16 years ago. Yeah. It's like 2010, 2011. Because I quit buying season tickets, I think, in 2011 or 12, somewhere in that ballpark.

SPEAKER_01

Something like that. And and I will say that in those uh the back in the day when someone's like, Yeah, I saw you at a duck game. I'm all, well, that's not like my easiest place to make memories. Yeah. Um, I'm having a great time, but it's not really like the memory zone. No. Um, but we we go way back. We were actually in the same pledge class at the same fraternity in 1999. Yeah. That's how far ago it is.

SPEAKER_00

That's rough to think that that was almost 30 years ago.

SPEAKER_01

It is. And you know, I but seeing you here today, it's it's nice to see that you are happy and healthy today. Um, but it wasn't always the case. You know, you um when I first met you in '99, we had some mutual friends. We we had some great times. We were just kind of catching up uh off the show a little bit earlier about, I mean, in a time before ring doorbell cams and really everyone having a cell phone, there was a whole lot of activity that went down. I mean, we one time through a party and we needed shrubs and bushes and everything.

SPEAKER_00

To look tropical.

SPEAKER_01

And so you were just reminding me, I had blocked this memory out that we we we stole all of the plants for the party and all the palm trees from a nice Mexican restaurant, which is no longer there. So it's not like we're hurting business these days. It's probably because they couldn't afford new foliage. That's exactly why they shut down.

unknown

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

It doesn't help the bottom line uh when you're doing that. But uh that that was a long time ago. And when you left school, like really early there, actually that first year you went on uh to go

From College to Rock Bottom

SPEAKER_01

start your life, right? Yes, sir. Um, so tell me a little bit about um the time between 2000 and and say 2012.

SPEAKER_00

Um so right after I left school, um, that winter break, I worked for a catering company. And we got to do a lot of really amazing events. Like between that summer and that winter, I think I I did Rock Fest. We catered Rock Fest, we did BB King backstage, uh um Fish, and the one really lame one was Sarah McLaughlin. Hey, I would I would have been, I would have eaten snags with her. I did. But uh seeing that, and like um the hours were conducive to the lifestyle I wanted to live, and um culinary arts became something I became very good at. Like just I'm you were a natural. I was a natural at it. Um had I had the discipline that I have now, like I probably would have made a much more successful career at it. But I I was successful enough and it allowed me to drink booze and chase skirts for till I was 30.

SPEAKER_01

And you did that now. Um at what point do you get into the family game? Are you is that pre or post-2012? Um, it was before.

SPEAKER_00

I uh there was a lot of peaks and valleys, and we probably don't have time because I really want to get to the meat and potatoes of why I'm here today. Um in 2025, I thought I found rock bottom. I was dabbling with the same things. In 2020? No, excuse me, 2005. Okay, I was gonna say you look too good for that right now. Yeah. So in 2005, I thought I found rock bottom. I tried to get sober. Um I did like a week in uh detox center. I I put like nine months together twice. So you went to rehab and you or you at least detox. I did I detox. I went to uh inpatient at oh um what's the heck? The one that was there in UD. Serenity Lane? Yeah, that's the one. The fact that I just know off the top of my head, I have not stayed

Struggling With Addiction and Family Life

SPEAKER_00

the night there, but I have plenty of friends who have I I I did uh inpatient at um Serenity Lane. Uh I tried to stay sober. Um, but the one thing like I like I see I can pinpoint that's absolutely different is like, and when people ask me like how I'm like, you've got to let go of who you were. And I wasn't ready to let go of who I was, and I wasn't ready to like move on from my friend group. And you can only go to a barber shop for so long before you get a haircut. And so it wasn't long before I was just like if you're around the drugs, you're gonna do the drugs. Yeah, and so pretty soon I hopped back into the the lifestyle. And um, by that time I'd had my son, uh, and that was 2007. Um, and then I was with their mom. Uh, we were together with both my kids' mom and married or a couple for oh, 14 years, 15 years, something like that.

SPEAKER_01

And so on during that time, you're drinking, but are you also using cocaine during that time, like on a regular basis or a party mode?

SPEAKER_00

I like it was like party mode for a while, or like, you know, it was just booze and pot for a long time because she had been sober for a really long time. But then I don't know, like all things do, they they get bigger, they get wilder. Um, I was making um a lot of money in some quasi-legal ways. So you were legitimizing it as in you weren't wasting your money. Right. So I was able to legitimize like, uh, you want to buy an ounce of cocaine? Cool. That's really not that big a dent to your pocketbook. Um so, but that became like not just Fridays and Saturdays. That became it's a Tuesday night. Let's snort a quarter ounce of cocaine. Um, you start to bridge the gap. Right. And so uh things were pretty mild up until probably my early 30s. So like you know, 10 or 15 years ago, 15 years ago, probably. Then it started to then start to become a ramp up and like it became whatever was a like I still avoided the hard drugs, but like uh mushrooms, LSD, like you know, like I'm acting like I'm 20 again. Um, but a lot of that had to do with like the amount of easy money I was making. And so um I I had a lifestyle that was conducive. I could go to work at 11 o'clock or noon, work till 11 o'clock at night, I could drink all night, um, sleep till uh 10 or 11, and and like I I I could function.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And even when I first met you, you were always down for excess. Yeah, you know, like you were down to party.

SPEAKER_00

I and I and I think that as we move along with the story, that excess, that learning how to flip that switch from um being stubborn or excess and turning that stubbornness into a a motivator and a and and and discipline um really is where the rubber met the road in in my before life and my new life.

SPEAKER_01

And you know, I I say this all the time. I have a very addictive personality. And it's funny, compared to a lot of my friends, like when I sit with you, I I look vanilla, but in reality, is if like if I'm not addicted to working out, then I'd be addicted to something else. Exactly. If I wasn't addicted to performing, I'd be addicted to something else, you know. And and I know it's a slippery slope. It is. And so, you know, it's no different for you. You just happen to be in the muck of it. You were at the barber shop. I was at a yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Well, like

The Culinary World and It's Challenges

SPEAKER_00

I the culinary world, at least the one I was in. I mean, I I I'm assuming there's still a part of that pirate ship that exists, but um, I think it's changed a lot over the last 10 or 15 years. I think a lot of it, like especially post-COVID, the amount of money that people are willing to pay um attracts a maybe a little gentler, c gentler crowd. But like when you're especially when you're the chef and you're working in a place that serves booze until whatever, and you're right there. Yeah. It's always right there. And you're and you come in shaking like the bartender isn't gonna be mad at you if you're like, hey, dude, I need a double shaw and a ginger ale, and I'm gonna fry some French fries so I can stop the shakes and I can work for the next X amount of time. And then about halfway through your shift, you're like, you're feeling good. And so you're like, hey, I need just keep sending the doubles back. Yeah. And so you're half blotto before you're even done shifting. So then you're just like, okay, it's a Friday night, it's uh midnight. Like, where else am I gonna go? Might as well hang out here. Might as well hang out here, or the bar down the street, or the bar where all the other cooks are hanging out, and we'll, you know, and so that was it worked fine until it didn't.

SPEAKER_01

And well, cook culture also, and and it may be a little bit different now, like you said, but my wife was a bartender and a server for many, many, many years and worked hand in hand a lot of times where it was just her and a cook. And I mean, she's she's dragged people off the toilet, overdosing on heroin. I mean, she's seen she's seen uh burnt tin foil in the walk-in. I mean, it goes on and on. There's no shortage of stories there.

SPEAKER_00

No, and uh, and that's and that is why I I probably was not as successful at at it as I could have been. But because I was just a natural at it, I was able to fake my way through a lot of places I probably even didn't even deserve to work in, but I can see something be done and I can emulate it relatively quickly. Yeah. And so, and I'm a hard worker.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and you have a you have an outgoing personality too. So yeah, if you're masking whatever you're taking, then you're doing fine. You can't, but like But you're good, you're almost like a used car salesman for your drug habit.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know exactly. And then um, so that was was pretty much my life until it got worse at my in my late 30s.

SPEAKER_01

So things do get worse, and a lot of that cascades off of the loss of your dad.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah,

Family Dynamics and Personal Trauma

SPEAKER_00

so I don't want to talk bad about the dad or my father, but um a big part of my addiction, my anger, um, the trauma I grew up in resulted from him. And um one night in my previous what I thought was rock bottom, my dad and I were in Northern California visiting his brother and were drinking whiskey and snorting white drugs that weren't cocaine. And um my dad uh tends to be a very emotional drunk. Something I've like in the back of my head always, I mean, I'm not that I was perfect at it, but I've always tried really, really hard when I was drinking to like either be really, really happy, or if I'm in a bad mood, like avoid people like the plague because I didn't want to be my dad. And so my dad's like, let's go see where your grandfather's buried. And I'm like, Dad, I don't think this is a good idea. You're not in the headspace. Yeah, you're not in the head space. There's like we've been drinking Jack Daniels Black like all day. Like we've gone through two fifths together, and and we had been in the bar uh drinking straight shots for well till they kicked us out because we couldn't drink anymore. So we drive to where my grandfather was buried and he starts getting really emotional. And um he starts doing his best to apologize for uh the BS he had put me through as a child, the lag, the abuse. Um and but he isn't really wanting to own any of it. And I'm like, dad, let's just not talk about this right now. And then he says something, and I don't even remember exactly what it was, but it it set me off. And I'm like, I r retort back with like, I'm pissed. But my dad is like, I'm not a little human being, but my dad He's an even bigger human. Yes, he's a much bigger human. And my dad has like, well, I have his wedding ring, and I can't put his wedding ring on my phone. So he's got some big old sausage. And so he's old and fat at this point, and but he like throws a punch at me and I see it coming. And I mean, we're at my uncle's wood shop, and I dodge it, I shove him, he growls, and I'm like cower like a little kitty cat into the back corner of the woodshop because I'm gonna go. Because he's still he's still your dad. Yeah, and I can't escape him. Well, he like leaves. I hang out in the woodshop until I'm assuming he's passed out. Well, I finally get in the house, I grab my phone, and my dad left me um in Northern California that night. He just left. Just left. He's like, I can't do this anymore. It doesn't matter. So he left me and um I vow to never talk to him ever, ever again. Well, I move back home because after I'm done in Northern California, I work for my uncle for a while, make some money so I can move home. I move home, try to get sober, and excuse me, um I'm going to AA meetings. I meet my kid's mom, even though we had actually known each other for like for most of our lives. So she's an AA, we're hanging out, um, it's attraction, and um my dad finds out we're gonna have a son or that she's pregnant. I don't think we knew we were we were having a son yet. And he's trying to talk to me and like, I don't want anything to do with you, I don't want anything to do with you. Um and Cassidy, my kids' mom, was like, hey, I think you should give him one more chance. And I'm like, I don't really want to. Like I've given him a lot of chances, and yeah, every time it's kind of bit me in the ass. And then I do, and he apologizes, and and my dad and I like become a big butt. Like, he's my dad I always wanted, the friend I always needed. Like, he's awesome. It's in repair mode. It's in repair mode. And he even said, like, I'm sorry that I'm, you know, his version of again apologizing was I'm sorry that I'm probably gonna be a much better grandfather than I ever was a father. And that was like those were hard words to hear, you know. And so But it in a way it's him accepting that he failed Eon. Yeah, exactly. And and and and he was, he was a great grandfather, he was there, he helped, like he was awesome. Um and so I I really got to know my dad for like eight years, and then cancer took him away, and I was pissed. Like I was angry at God, I was just angry, and um I was working with a

The Descent into Addiction

SPEAKER_00

buddy and he started dabbling in meth again. And I said no, I know, no, no, but I'm like, I'm so angry. And my whole life, drugs and alcohol have always been my my tool to escape. Or it's how I felt it's the crutch, right? Like it's how I dealt with life. And so one day I'm like, I'm too pissed off to drink. If I start drinking right now, I'm gonna be abusive because I'm I'm really angry. And so I'm like, just hand me that. And so I started smoking meth and uh man, it goes downhill real, real fast.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, how quick did that unravel? Because now I've a drug I've never touched and always been deathly afraid of because of what happens. Um, so like you take it at first, I'm guessing you think it's you're like bionic.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, well, like I had done it a little bit in my ear, like my late teens, early twenties, um, because it was so readily available. But again, like I didn't know how bad it was. And it wasn't like I did it to the volume and to the extreme I started doing it in. Um, so like to say it was horrible was is probably not a bad. It did make poor choices, obviously, but it wasn't what happened.

SPEAKER_01

Um because that meth uses leads you, eventually it leads you to depression and and some other darker things. But originally it's start you start to gamble.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So I would go to the bar and I would gamble and I'll just video poker. Oh, yeah. And I'd go or I'd go to the casino and like um like I said earlier, I was making good money easily. Um, and my lifestyle, like the home I had, the cars I had, like reflected that. Well, that got taken away from me, but my bills obviously remained the same. And so I'm like, I don't know what to do. I'm spun out, I'm doing whatever. Well, I'm spun out and like I gamble, and like in like a week I win like 10,000 bucks. And I'm like, You think this is the answer? Yeah, like awesome, this is the answer. Well, it wasn't. And the combination of um the heavy dopamine hits from meth because meth just floods you with dopamine and the super adrenaline rush high and the dopamine hit from gambling is is just intoxicating. Well, the same is true for losing a shit ton of money and the come down, like and I was thinking about this because I this is not my first time sharing my story, but I don't really ever and have never really shared how horrible my gambling addiction was and how dark it brought me. Like the gambling is what brought the depression. The gambling made me um well, I'm gonna swear again. It made me a fucking nightmare. Yeah. Like I made it made like I'm I my ex-wife um probably should have left me then and there because I was stealing, robbing, I was like anything to gamble. Anything to get well to feed my addiction. And to get your addiction and to get my addiction. Like it was bad. Um and then How much would you say you lost? Oh. If you just had to guess. I can say that like I would say probably 30 grand, 40 grand. Which, you know, is a lot when you're trying to keep the lights on or you're trying to pay. That's a ton of money. But like, I mean, there were days that I would sit there and I'd walk in with $2,000 and I would leave with no thousand dollars. Or there would be days I walked in with five bucks and I left with two grand. Um but it was all gonna go back into it's all went back to the machine, or it went back and pay off drug debt or whatever.

SPEAKER_01

And then losing it gambling, too. I will point this out. And whether it's sports gambling, whether it's at a casino or video poker, when you lose, there's this feeling of stupidity that hits you. And it's like when you win, it's like, oh, that guy's a genius. When you lose, it's just you alone in your thoughts that are like, how did I let that happen again? Exactly. And again and again and again. And it's like, okay, well, I'm done with that. And then you're like, oh, well, I'll just put in a 20. And then if I get up, then I'll boom, just lost another grand.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that. Um, and then you add the fact that, like, hey, I have an extremely addictive personality. And it's a gambling's a drug. A hundred percent. The lights, uh all of it is designed to make you addicted to it. Um, I'm addictive personality, I hate losing, and I'm horribly competitive. Makes for and I'm a dangerous gambler. And I'm hopped up on meth. And so I have no common sense, or you know, my my my my frontal, my prefrontal cortex is um it's it's completely in question. It's non-fun. So I'm

The Darkest Days of Addiction

SPEAKER_00

literally living in lizard brain um for like six years. And um, I'm not really sure like the exact timeline, but pretty soon like I get so dark that I I shut down. Like if it's not to go score a bag of dope, um, I don't leave my house. You're just locked in. I'm just locked in. Like I hate life. I hate myself. I hate every person I see. Um there's- Is it hard for you to even see your kids at this point? Yeah. I mean, we're all living together, but I don't see them. I'm I'm either living in my bathroom or I'm gone. You're right. I'm a recluse. And um there was a point in time um where I did not leave my home. I mean, I don't step outside of my four walls of my house um for like eight months. Oh my goodness. I don't go see the sun. I don't like I I hated my existence. And I have done my very best to make an amends with my children. And I think I've done a really, really, really good job of becoming the dad that they've always needed. And I think they would, I'm sure they would say the same. Um, but I But you'd do anything to get those moments back. I absolutely absolutely. I there's I can't live in Regret because my life today feels like a dream. But uh when I uh they've asked me why. And I um these words are really difficult to say, and I and I've shared them before, but the it doesn't make it any easier. Um I'm fidgeting because I don't really want to say it, but um when you hate yourself more than you can love the people that you need to love the most, it makes being a parent really difficult.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I I mean it they say that if you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. And and now people think that that's a narcissistic comment, and really it's not, because it comes down to if I can't hold myself up, how can I hold you up? Right.

SPEAKER_00

It's like you can't pour into something if you don't have anything to pour. Yes, exactly. So that time I I don't know. I don't know if I've blocked out a lot of between 2015 and and 2020. Um, probably for good reason. Um I became a horrible father, I became a horrible husband. I was I was a junkie.

SPEAKER_01

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The Chaos Moment: A Journey Begins

SPEAKER_01

Because you really kind of run into a chaos moment here. Um, you you said in your notes to me that you actually attempted suicide at some point. Where where are you in at in the journey when you do this?

SPEAKER_00

I think it was probably well, I probably really started contemplating it um in 2017. Um because the roller coaster became so out of control and I I didn't feel like there was any way off. And on top of that, I just felt like I was the plague. Like everything bad that was happening in everyone's life like was radiating from me. And I guess, you know, with hindsight and looking back on things, in some aspects it was because um I'm a really firm believer that as a man and as a husband, my job is is to lead and to protect and to provide. And when I'm not doing any of those things, um, chaos is going to ensue because I've that's our natural role. And you feel worthless. And I feel worthless. Um so to rewind just a little bit. Back in the early 2010, I think, 2009, um, I was on a float and I had drank a bottle of Jameson's like prior to the float. You're floating the river. Float in the river, right. Uh well, anyway, my my ex-wife um doesn't know how to swim. We hit a rough part in the current, and I know the stretch of the river very well. It's area I grew up in, um, and on that river. I I get her back on the tube, and I'm like, I'm too drunk to try to swim to catch up with everybody. So I get off, I walk, I end up tearing a tendon in my foot, but I they don't find it for a long time, and I can't get it fixed. Um You're not sure what it is, it just hurts. It just hurts. Well, anyway, I was putting away dishes one day, and I reach up very particular because I'm spun out, so I everything has to be in a particular, perfect, perfect order. Well, I'm putting away wine glasses, and I had a bunch of very nice uh Pinot Noir tulip glasses. So I'm putting them away, and as I get up on my tiptoes, um, I hear a dried twig sound snap, and I just fall, and my ankle is instantly black and blue, and um, that's when I pretty much give up because now I'm like, I'm spun out. I don't real, I don't realize how much weight I've really put on. Um and that's a great story too. Um yeah, we're gonna get to that because it seems like oxymoronic that like I was obese and a tweaker. But if there's a will, there's a way.

SPEAKER_01

Um, it might have been the first question I asked you when we did our little pre-meeting. You're like, yeah, I gained all this weight. I was like, I thought you said you were a tweak. Yeah. But we'll get to that. We'll get to that.

SPEAKER_00

So then you hurt the So then I I I hurt myself and I'm like, I pretty much just give up. And so I attempt suicide by taking um the first

Descent Into Darkness: Struggles and Addiction

SPEAKER_00

time I take uh a shit ton of Tylenol PM, like a bunch. Um, and thank God uh that my heart was beating so fast that like I don't think it killed me, but I pissed and pooed blood for about a week. Oh, my goodness. I'm assuming it just my liver was bleeding. Yeah, your kidneys were down. And my kidneys down. Yeah, my kidneys. Um like luckily I I've had everything checked out since and I'm fine. Um, but that didn't work. And then one day um I was getting ready to buy a house and everything's falling apart, and I'm feeling horrible about myself and and this whole situation. And I'm like, okay, this sucks. Um, the wife and kids are gone. And I go into the bathroom, I write a note. I I had played around with putting the pistol in my mouth a bunch of times, but I never cocked the hammer. And I I'm ready to do the thing, and all of a sudden I hear the dog bark, and everyone comes home like two hours earlier than they were supposed to. So I I light a candle, I burn the note, I clean the tears and snot off my face, and and uh realized I can't kill myself. And so I start doing more drugs. Um, and and I'm kind of realizing that I'm fat at this point. And I'm thinking, well, I can probably do enough meth and get fat enough that I'll die of a heart attack, and no one will know it's suicide.

SPEAKER_01

So it's almost like there's a divine intervention there when they show up at the house two hours early.

SPEAKER_00

And and um, as we get through my story, um, I am very devout in my faith. And uh was probably like one of the first instances that I saw um something greater than me at work in my life. Even though I'm painfully stubborn and didn't want to admit that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But in the moment, it is what it is. Exactly. So now you're um you're in a situation where you can't kill yourself, so you're just absolutely going glutton games. Yeah, just trying to die. Now you told me a little bit about what your diet was at this point. Now, unbelievable that you were actually able to stay alive on the nutritional value that you were delivering. What was the diet?

SPEAKER_00

Uh, probably like a gallon of Coca-Cola a day, um jalapeno cheddar Cheetos, uh, nutter butters and whole milk.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my god. First of all, whole milk and Coca-Cola, you created a bomb in your stomach. How are you not always like uh uh um probably were.

SPEAKER_00

I was. There were a lot of trips to the bathroom, brother. I bet you've got spicy Cheetos too.

SPEAKER_01

So you're not even making it easy on yourself. Well, I I still don't. Just burn on both ends. Now, oh my goodness. So during this time, so just to take it back to when we first met, I'm looking at you now, and and we'll get to where how you get to where you are in your story now, that it would make more sense to me for you to look like you do with the way that I knew you before, just because you were a taller

Covid: The Turning Point

SPEAKER_01

guy, strong, young and stout, you know. So there was never would I think that you would gain a hundred plus pounds. How much was it? And what where were we?

SPEAKER_00

Um everything falls apart. Um, and luckily 2020 happened. Like COVID actually saved my life, probably. Um, because everything, like four days before my son's 13th birthday, everything shut down. So his birthday, St. Patrick's Day, schools and everything shut down the 13th of March. Uh, we had a birthday party um for him, kind of. But it was in that season that like when everyone came home that I saw how destructive my lifestyle and who I had become had what like it was really easy not to worry when everyone was gone. The kids were at school all day, the wife was gone, uh, and I was just left to my own destruction. You only had to fake it a few hours. Yeah, like in the morning and at night. I that's that's it. And then now they're on you. Now they're on me. And I'm looking at like how depressed and and horrible my children's life are. And so this opens my eyes to like, I need to change. And I slowly do. So it's probably like this time of year um in 2020 that I start using like three days a week, not seven. Okay, well, it's an improvement. It's yeah, right. And that's and it, but it it was an improvement. It was in those moments of like sobriety where I was able to gain gain clarity. Um because at least if you have some moments now, yeah. You can be like, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Right. And so and and and I'm slowly improving. And so it's probably like July of 2020 that I realized that like my wife has left me. Um and that that's a whole long story that doesn't need to matter. We'll get you another episode. Yeah, yeah. That's a whole nother story. So my wife has left me. Um and you know, rightfully so for good reason. For great reason. Um I just wish it would have been done a little differently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh and rightfully so. Yeah, she had every right to leave me. Um, but then our house is getting repossessed, cars are getting repossessed. I'm literally like, okay. You're melting. Yeah. Shit is really falling apart at this point. And um, it's on my 40th birthday. I I use, I look in the mirror. I like it's the first time I really see myself and how fat, like, who is this guy? Yeah, who is this guy? I'm unhygienic. My hair is like a foot and a half long.

The Awakening: A Prayer for Change

SPEAKER_00

Like, I'm covered in horrible facial hair. I'm like, haven't who knows how long it'd been since I showered or brushed, like done anything to like take care of myself. I'm sure your skin's all in flame. Yeah, I'm just I'm fat. Like, um, I lost my toenails because my heart wasn't pumping into my like it was bad. Oh my god. Um, I actually paint my toenails now because two of my toenails don't grow in. They grow, they die. I'm sure they're beautiful. They're they are they're a really pretty blue job. They're a really pretty, uh, they're a really pretty baby blue right now. Oh, nice. Uh, because I was in Florida. So I wanted them to match the water. Of course. But people are like, why do you paint your toes? And I'm like, well, it's one of those things like so I can hide, like, I don't have to look at and explain. And explain, like, why are your toes black? Yeah. Anyway. So I have beautiful feet and look at it. Yeah, exactly. Um and so now that I just shared that with however many thousands of listeners are gonna hear that. So yay. Um and so um it's in that. So on my 40th birthday, August 20th, 2020, I am like, I look at myself in the mirror, I don't know who I am, and I say a real feeble prayer to a God at that moment in time I don't believe in. I'm just like, hey, you probably hate me. You're probably not real. But if you are um and you care, can you help me get my life back? I feel like like getting me to stop meth is probably a really good place to begin.

SPEAKER_01

I jump off there.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's probably a good place to start.

SPEAKER_01

But which is daunting. I mean, most people don't believe you can get off of it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And so I use again for another month and two days, and then I go to use again, and I don't really get high. And I'm like, and then all of a sudden, like a robot takes me over. I smash everything, I flush everything, and I flushed a lot. Um, because I would buy a lot and I would I would move some so I could you'd treat it like a Costco buying. Right. Yeah, exactly. Much smarter. Um, and then I instantly regret the decision, but I haven't used hard drugs since um September 22nd of 2020. But it is in that moment that I'm like, okay, shit is falling apart. Um, and you're really fat. These are things we know. Yeah, so these are things we know. And so I slowly just start walking. Like I don't even care about like how much weight I need to lose. I don't really care about like like giving to a number, like none of that matters at this point. Like just being able to like walk up the hill from where I was living was a good start. Because you couldn't, you couldn't hold a job, not just because of the drugs you couldn't. I couldn't walk, I couldn't breathe. Like the other day I was like putting my sock on, like well, still like balancing and like on one foot. And I'm like, this seems so unreal because you would never have been able to five five or six years ago, like bending over to tie my shoes, I would be like, and then you would have likely fallen and laid there. Yeah, exactly. What's going on? Yeah. And so um I just slowly start walking, and it's like getting up the hill, it's a thousand steps a day, it's a half a mile, it's a mile. And I do that until we finally get kicked out of the house.

The Road To Recovery

SPEAKER_00

Um, and everyone goes their separate directions. Um, my son comes with me for a while. Uh, my daughter stays with my mom. I really don't know what my ex-wife is doing at this moment in time. Um, and then it is so now we're we're moved into 2021. I'm staying with my dog, my son, at my mom's boyfriend's house in Walport. Yeah. And I'm still walking and I know I've lost a little bit of weight at this point. So I don't know how big and fat I really was, but I know I've lost a little bit of weight at this point because I can put these like double extra large shirts on, like button-ups. And I mean, granted, like if they went when they ran around my titties, they were barely, they were, they were built, they were barely buttons-ups. Yeah, you had stressed buttons. Yeah. So had I coughed, they would have come out and taken out someone's taken out someone's eyeball. Yeah. Um, but I'm like, okay, I know I'm losing some weight. Well, I had never stepped on a scale, and it is this is July of like either the end of June or like it's like fourth of July weekend of 2021. And I step on the scale for the first time and I'm 338 pounds. So your max had to have been closer than like 360, 350-ish, I would think. Um, like, dude, I lived in like quadruple extra larges, and I and so it's in this time I buy my first pair of jeans. I hadn't worn jeans in I don't know how long because nothing fit. And I was been in like sweats and hand one shorts. Yeah, exactly. 100% and and slides because my feet are so like full of blood that they're not like I can't put shoes on. Um, and so I'm like, okay, something has to be done. And so I I really start making this a goal. And because I'm poor, I literally just start walking. Well, I would go back to the valley, I needed to get a job. Um and the anxiety of like being sober, like trying to get my kids back, trying to get a car, trying to win my wife back, like all these things all at once, all at once, right? I want that magic bullet solution and there isn't. And I like the anxiety starts driving me crazy. So I get a job at the steel mill, which was in hindsight, like the worst possible decision because it's a job that like is dangerous, that like needs my full attention. And my attention is- You're everywhere. I'm everywhere. So I literally walk off the job one day because I'm like, I can't do this and I can't explain to like a man that, like, hey, dude, here's like I hadn't shared where I had been and where I'm at. Um, and so I'm like, you know what? I can't work right now. What has to happen is I need to get below 300 pounds. And then once I'm able to like actually stand on my feet for like eight plus hours, we'll work on it. So I am essentially just count. I'm I'm like 20 years old again. I'm 40, 40, almost 41. And I am like bouncing from house to house with a backpack and and my mastiff. And um, Tank is literally my best friend. And also he became my scapegoat. I was like, Tank, you're fat because he was fat, because I was fat. Yeah, Tank, you're fat. So we're gonna get up and walk. So you were each other's workout, but yeah, he didn't know it. And so I would literally just walk. Um, and I would write. I would, I would just try to like I was like, I was literally driving myself insane with the level of anxiety as I was experiencing. And again, this is still shut down. So there isn't meetings. Um, there isn't

Finding Purpose

SPEAKER_00

therapy in like I try to do therapy, but it was through telehealth, and it just tough. You're at the beginning of the journey. Yeah, and it just sucked. And like they it just sucked. And so I'm just I'm just trying to get my weight down. And I there were times I that's all I did. I would walk all day long. And the homeless people of McMinnville assumed I was homeless, and they would like, hey, you got somewhere to sleep tonight. Because I'm like, I'm just pacing around McMinnville for 12 hours a day. Are you still on drugs? No, I'm sober at this point. So well, I'm using pot. They had put me on, so I haven't used meth in it'll be six years this September. Congrats. Um, but they put me on a bunch of like antipsychotics and antidepressants, but they kept like tweaking the things and it was ping-ponging my anxiety so bad. I'm just like, well, forget this. Like, if you're gonna put me on drugs, I'll just smoke pot and see how that helps.

SPEAKER_01

Well, a lot of it's like the chemicals and just because they're FDA approved doesn't mean that it's better for you. That that's a whole nother podcast in itself. But I guess I just wanted to be clear that you you went down to three days a week and then at some point did you just quit on no no, I just quit quit cold turkey on the 22nd of of uh September. So does does meth work like um, and just the clip notes answered, does it work like uh painkillers where it's like lays on you forever? Or like how do you No, there's there's there's no like real physical um like actual withdrawing.

SPEAKER_00

It's it is definitely really mental though, especially like for the volume I was doing and the the the length of time I was using it. Um sadness and everything. Sadness that like like well, it also repressed my emotions because I'm ADHD. It like kind of makes me robotic. Um and so all of a sudden I am feeling everything. I'm having these huge highs and these super lows because my body is like, well, I'd been out of homeostasis for the better part of a decade or close to a dec, probably a full decade, right? And so you were able to cut it though. Yeah, I was like, but when I look back on that first year of uh of being off mess, I'm like, I have no idea how I did it because it was like life hard.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah. And so everything you're going through here, James, is hard. I mean to get to 350 pounds and then come back from it alone with no drugs, full support system, nutritionist, counselor, all the stuff, so daunting. And you're doing all of it while all those other things are in play.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and so um, yes, uh and that's what I mean. Like, and so I kind of like, okay, I can't get any of this back until I at least have a car, and until I at least have a like some sort of income. Well, I'm staying with my stepmom and I borrow her car to go see my kid play a football game down in Felomath. And I'm driving by myself and I'm just like in this anxious, like, oh my God, I need something, I need something, I need something. I'm just yelling this on repeat. And I'm like, I hit YouTube, I'm not watching it. I'm just wanting something to play while I'm driving because music was not

A New Life Emerges

SPEAKER_00

helping the distraction. And all of a sudden I hear this man's um TED talk. His name is Jason Redman, and he starts telling this TED talk, and Jason is a Navy SEAL, and he tells about this story about his ambush. And I'm like, James, you're being a little baby right now. Like, listen to what this man is actually talking about. Like, you whatever you've experienced is nothing like being shot in the face with like a 13 millimeter machine gun and surviving. Well, he tells us whole like amazing story of how he survived, but then he brings it back to reality. Like, we all face these ambushes, we all go through these moments that like he uses military terminologies, like where we get caught on the X. And I'm like, wow, this is great. And it it inspires me. Well, start like slowly like stalking him, like on like like I want to you want to check out all the stuff. I want to check check out all the stuff. And not only that, I like you want to talk to him? I I have, um, but I want to like is this guy like for real? Like, is this like what is who he professes he is? Is it real? And so I I start seeing this thing, and he has this group called the Overcome Army. Um, and it was like 50 bucks a month and like a weekly like Zoom meeting with him and like some of his coaches, and then sporadic uh like each coach did a different topic, uh like one-on-one coaching. So I I join. Um I every time I've done a podcast, I try to shout out Jason because he like his story really um helped transform me from being this anxious, like scared, like what the hell am I gonna do, human being, into like um I can do this. Because he uses like very like aggressive verbiage, like yeah, he's not gonna hold your hand. No, but he, you know, he's like like he he got famous for writing the the the letter on the door. Like President Bush actually, like, um, so he, you know, it's like two early 2000s, um, you know, relentless. He's like with relentless optimism. You know, like like I'm gonna recover to the fullest of my capabilities, and then on pure tenacity, I'm gonna recover 20% further than they think I can. And I'm like, yeah, that. And like I don't have to sit here and be like, it's gonna take forever. I can like, I can push. And so I pushed. Um, and I met people. Uh, I met a mentor um who's from Bellingham, Washington, who has a very similar, somewhat similar story to me, who's a wildly successful human who I love very, very dearly, dearly. And he poured into me when I was just broken. Broken. And an absolute mess. I'm like he was patient and he was kind and he listened to all my insanity and he helped me a lot. And so I slowly start getting myself back together. Um, I get a job as a janitor at a local grade school in McMahonville, which was like absolute perfect job at the perfect time of my life because I didn't have to work with anyone. I came in at three, I talked to my boss for 30 minutes, lined out my night, where needed to be done, and which was pretty much the same every night because it was like the smallest grade school in McMahonville. And I I I cleaned and like and you could be in it. And I could be, I could put my headphones on, no one bugged me, I could just work, and it was awesome. Um, and so I would get up in the morning, I'd walk my dog five miles, I would then walk three miles to work, I'd walk all night at work, and I would walk back. And there's literally like probably almost a full year of where I'm putting in somewhere between 27,000 and 35,000 steps a day. Which is gonna make that weight just it just melted off of me. It did. So in one year, I went from a size 44 to a 34, less than a year. I bought more clothes in like a nine-month period than I probably had in a decade. And 10 inches off the waist is incredible.

SPEAKER_01

The Fit for Radio podcast brought to you in part by Motorsport Hillsboro, where they are taking care of some of your gas problems by hooking you up with up to 60% off on gas-gas electric mountain bikes. Go in and check out the selection. They've got everything you need to hit the trails and also cruise the streets. You got to run to the store and you're sick of filling up gas at $5 a gallon. Well, you got to go in to Motorsport Hillsboro. They've got the inventory. The only place you can get up to 60% off on a gas-gas, electric mountain bike. Check out the inventory of not just that, but everything off-road that they have to offer: accessories, dirt bikes, side-by-side street bikes, you name it, MotosportHillsboro.com. The Fit for Radio Podcast, also brought to you by the Stafford Hills Club, my favorite place to work out where work meets play for me. You can also get your spot here in the suites or hang out by the pool. The salt water situation is great. And it's also helping out my kids with the no tangles in their hair. Chlorine really works a number on those girls. So they love that we hang here at Stafford Hills Club. Also, all the amenities when it comes to classes, workout facilities,

The Power Of Sharing Your Story

SPEAKER_01

tennis, and so much more. Check them out today, staffordhills.com. And it's it is impressive because you know you're in this process, and it's funny that you talk about the TED Talk and all that stuff. Like the very basis of this podcast is for that entirely for people who hear somebody's story and realize, okay, maybe mine isn't so daunting, even though yours is daunting. Um, but compared to him, that allowed you to just basically to engage and to get going. But it's the same thing for somebody who's gonna hear this and they're gonna be riding in their car and they're overweight and they don't think they can do it, and they're 240 and they need to be 180. Well, you were 350 and now you look like a terminator. Um, so I mean it it it it will, it will move the needle for other people. And I and I just want to throw that in before we get to anything else that that that's important that you have found a way to pay that forward.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. And that's why I am so open with my story and sharing, because so many people have done that for me. And I am really big on generosity and and giving and whatever it is I have to give. And sometimes it's time and sometimes it's financial, and sometimes it's my story. But I mean, because so many people like yeah, I did a lot of this on my own, but God put a lot of people in my path that helped me immensely. My from my mom and my sister taking care of my kids to count, like um, well, one of my one of my groomsmen, uh, Marcus Torgeson, uh I love Marcus is one of my best friends who have only met once in person. Um, we had never met in person. And I met him through this kind of the same process. Um, we had never met in person until the day, like two days before he was in my wedding. And we talk, I I we talk at least text or call like probably three or four times a week. Marcus is um a huge reason why I walk with Christ today, but um also one of those people that I like, I don't know how many times I've been like, dude, I am so sorry for being such a pain in your ass. And thank you for having patience with me and seeing more in me than I was able to see in myself. And so that's why I um I'm I get random um messages and and messenger or on Instagram uh from people all the time because I'm I'm pretty out loud with it. And uh when I can and if I can, I'm always willing to at least share advice or help. And that's kind of what leads me into my career path today.

SPEAKER_01

Because you're paying it forward uh like you should, you know, and and helping the next person. Uh, let's just touch real quick on at the end of that time where you're walking to the grade school to lose all that weight, you get to a point where you feel like you can move on to your next adventure. What what's the transition?

SPEAKER_00

Um, so it was probably it'll be it was four years ago this January. I'm down to like two,

Crazy Weight Loss Journey

SPEAKER_00

somewhere between 280, 270. And I'm like, okay. Um at this time I'm I'm pretty on top of my diet. And so, like, kind of to take a couple steps back. Um, I walk, I then see a lot of weight coming off. I then really start controlling portion control. And then I cut soda completely out of my diet. And then the whole gallon? Yeah, the whole gallon, dude. I still like I don't really know the last time. I think I take that back. About two months ago, I had my first soda uh in a whole one. A whole one. And the first time in like five years.

SPEAKER_01

See, to me, that sounds like free basing again. So I don't drink soda, but I love the first sip off of Coca-Cola, like the burn, the cook. I mean, I'm sure you miss it. I well, I drink Coke Zero. Okay, so you're still in it. Um now I haven't had any soda in so long, but I also like I did have a sip off the top of a Coca-Cola. A Coca-Cola came with my burger. Like it's part of the meal, dude. And I was like, okay, I'll take the can. And so I gave it, I gave it away to someone else, but I'm all just let me have that first. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So I don't, I mean, I'll drink, I love, I love AW Root Beer Zero. It's like that's my dessert at nighttime. Okay. That's like, that's my sweet treat for the day. Yeah, you've earned it. I've earned it. Um, but I haven't had like a real soda in like six years until like I think a couple months ago, I was eating, I was at a taco place and I wanted like a real Coca-Cola. Yeah, as you should like the the Mexican real sugar. Yeah, like I can't drink um, I can't remember where I was at, but like I I I like carbonated water because I like the burn. And like I accidentally like hit the, it was on the same thing as like Sprite or 7 Up or whatever the heck it was. And I like I accidentally hit that and I take a drink thinking it's that, and like I literally spit it out of my mouth in the restaurant. Oh my god. Because I like it was so foreign to me because it's so syrupy and sweet, like it was gross and repulsive.

SPEAKER_01

Well, there's also a mental thing about when you decide to change your life when it comes to nutrition. Absolutely. And I I mean, I will say when I first started my health and wellness journey, like I missed the foods that I love so much that I would eat rotisserie chicken at work. And like one of the ladies at work caught me, like I would take it and then I would chew on the skin and then spit it out into the garbage can. Yeah. And she was like, What are you doing?

SPEAKER_00

I was like, I'm just trying to live. Yeah, exactly. I I have I have been guilty of doing that with like just all kinds of stuff. Oh, yeah. Like, I want to try like I just want to taste the flavor of that, like chew on it for a little bit and then spit it out. And we're like, How do you do that? That's psychopathic. Like, this seems like it's like you're torturing yourself. I'm like, no, like I get like the reward from the on my palate. And but anyway, yeah. My wife will be like, Did you just pull that food out of your mouth? I'm like, yeah, exactly. Um, so I then do a ketogenic diet for like 90 days, and then the weight just melts off me. I'm losing like 40 pounds a month. Um, and then I at this time I'm back in the gym and I don't really know what I'm doing. I hire a personal trainer. Um and the gym But you're present. Yeah, but I'm present. But the gym becomes

Building a community of Support

SPEAKER_00

um my lifeline. Uh um, the gym becomes where like I have a social life again. I actually meet people in 3D, not just in on the social media, on social media or Zooms or something like that. And so um it becomes dude, it becomes just like going to the bar, I guess. It becomes habitual. Um, it's like here where I work out, it is it's it becomes a family.

SPEAKER_01

And I and it's exactly and even more than family, it's the word is community.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, community. It became my community. Um, so my community now, instead of being uh bunch of trakers, a bunch of criminals and drug dealers and lowlifs and scumbags, it's uh people at church and the gym. And I now have a dream job at West Coast Strength uh Kaiser. We have locations all over the place, two up here in the metro area, um, uh two in Salem, one down in Springfield, one in Eugene, and just open one in Medford. And uh community and family uh is what I'm all about. And I hope as the leader of the gym I'm responsible for that um those feelings are echoed loudly because I don't care if it's your first day and you've never lifted a weight in your life and you have 150 pounds to lose, or you're the next Arnold Schwarzenegger. I want everyone to be walked through those doors, feel loved, welcomed, and appreciated for the effort that they're gonna put in to change because it wasn't easy. And I've managed to keep off all the weight and it's been a lot of effort.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you have to, and it's a constant fight, especially when we get to our age in your mid-40s. You know, I was at the pool. I work out every day and I do, you know, I do a thousand push-ups every day and I ride my Peloton. I do that every single day. But then I'm like, okay, well, I walk out to the pool and there's all these people who are like super ripped. And I'm like, wow, it is for all of us. We're all on a different journey than the next guy. And then you you just have to do your best to make it about your journey. And like, I won't, I'm not gonna mince words. I walked out and I saw the reflection of my pale body, which doesn't help, you know, like you add a tan to it. Right. They say if you can't tone it, tan it. Right. But, you know, I thought I was in some pretty good shape yesterday. Now I got to get back to being like, okay, am I grabbing a bite of that dessert? Am I doing this? And so now, granted, give yourself some grace and give yourself some wiggle room. You have to live, or this is for nothing. Yeah. But I it's just about having that happy medium. And I forever was fasting till noon. And, you know, I've been eating a breakfast uh because I'm working out, and I'm like, well, do I go back to fasting? So it's always a constant fine-tune. But the reason I bring up my stuff is that's kind of how it should be in a gym that, you know, the lady who's 65 and just trying to be mobile so she doesn't, you know, like ache when she gets out of bed and she can walk with her grandkids is just as important as me trying to beat my deadlift record. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00

That I think that is uh the beauty of a gym that offers community and support. And I, and I, and I think that West Coast Strength has done that very, very

Gratitude and Life Fragility

SPEAKER_00

well. Um, I remember the first time I walked into the one in Salem and I and I got a membership. I I'm still pretty fat and I'm intimidated. And uh the first person I really meet is Will, who is also in my wedding. And Will is um just a Hulk of a human being. He's a former airborne ranger, like yeah, he's got it. Busting out of his, and he's just just full of energy and life. And uh I just felt super welcomed. And and Alex, the owner, has done a great job of hiring great people and what he's built and what the brand he has is uh above and beyond anything I expected. And I'm really humbled that I I get to be a part of that.

SPEAKER_01

Well, think about how far you've come to, and it's really kind of a full circle moment. You know, you were so depressed and sad and you hated yourself to a point where you wouldn't walk out of your door. You know, I mean, I don't know who delivered all those Cheetos, shame on them. Um, but all jokes aside, you you were so depressed that you didn't want to be here anymore. And then you found a way to crawl back because it's not an overnight thing, and it's a good thing uh in your job now that you can tell people is that it is a process, but a little bit better today is a little step forward, is all you need because a little step back is dangerous, right? But we I don't need to show you a graph that a little step forward only takes you in one direction, that's north.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And you know, I've I have said and will always say, like, if you can't take a baby step forward, you crawl. If you can't crawl, um you roll. And if you have to, you fall face forward. As long as you're falling forward, always fall forward. And you know, it's not always gonna be linear, and sometimes it's circular and it's you know, it's uh but there's gonna be bad days. There's gonna be bad days, and there's even in those bad days, um, we can choose to find something good in them because like I guarantee you, even in like even on my worst days when I wasn't, I wasn't present enough to recognize there was something good, but I am present enough today to know that like even when my days are really bad or I'm struggling or I'm not feeling 100% or something is off in me, I can um thank God that I'm alive. And and something I do and I have done every day for a very long time. I wake up in the morning, I say, thank you, Lord, for waking me up today, the breath in my lungs, the movement on my limbs, and the opportunity to be a little bit better today than I was yesterday. Because I think we're all guilty at some point, especially if you've lived more than 40 years. That's a lot of wake-ups. That's a lot of sunsets and sunrises, and and they almost feel given or like it's gonna happen again tomorrow. A requirement. Yeah, like it's just gonna happen again tomorrow because why won't it? It already has. And I I've lost a lot of friends to overdose um suicide, and I've lost parents or a parent. And I I've understand how fragile life can be. And to wake up is an absolute blessing. And if I can at least start my day with gratitude and maybe stepping into the sun a little bit and thanking God for the life I have, um, I'm generally like, I don't stay stuck in a bad day. I stuck, I can be stuck in bad moments, but never a bad day.

SPEAKER_01

I think that's a great way to look at things because um I've lost a lot of friends uh to overdose, like a tragic number. And I come from a place where they warn you about it, you know, a place of money

Finding Your Way

SPEAKER_01

and uh and indulgence usually leads to trouble. And that's what happened. And and I'm and I'll even put it in perspective to you because when we were in college, one of the last times I ever saw you, all those years ago, there was 13 of us, and then you left school, and then there were 12 of us. Two of those guys are dead. They died of overdose. And so there's you got to think that in a room full of boys who were so full of energy. And you remember the first day we all hung out and we walked around that campus and we were so excited, and the world was our oyster, and nobody could stop us. Two of them are dead. And it's it's because of overindulgence and and thinking that you know you're smarter than the drug or whatever. But I think it is important to wake up, and it's tough for me and for anyone else to remember this every day when your own life is in the way, is that you're lucky to be here right now, in this moment, and you should be grateful. Yeah. And use that grace that has been given to you to spread love onto others while you're here.

SPEAKER_00

Amen. I think um I'm gonna do my best not to cry, but I don't think there has been a week that has gone by um in the last six years of my life that I haven't cried at least once, like out of pure joy, um, especially for the life I live today. Like I I would consider myself a really great father. Um You're in a great relationship. I'm in a fantastic relationship with an amazing woman. Hannah is uh she seems to she seems to build you up. She is uh the epitome of what a godly wife should be. And I am abundantly blessed that she chose to be with me. Um I have two fantastic kids who God has shielded um and made them wildly successful. Uh the love of others poured into them has helped them. Um by all means, both of my kids could be absolute turds and and uh rightfully so. Like no one, like they like it would be they would be like legitimized. Yeah, it would be legitimate. I mean, not that they couldn't make their own choices, but it would be legitimized, people would understand and and they're not. Um but it all it all started because well, because of God's grace. Um, and people like, well, you know, I get a lot of rebuke of people from people who don't believe in God, and they're like, Well, you did that. I'm like, no, God gave me the tools. I he just said jump and I said, How high? He said, I need you to fill this in. I grabbed

Encouragement For Those Struggling

SPEAKER_00

the shovel and I went to work. Um I know what I do when I'm left to my own devices, and I have like 25 or 30 years of a track record of making bad decisions. Um, but there's not a there's not a week that goes by that I don't feel like I'm I like I'm living a dream. Like I because there was a point I I honestly thought, and and we'll just use 2020, the start of 2020. I it's like I'll never be happy again. I'll I'll never smile, I'll never laugh, I'll never see anything that will make me feel good. Like Joy is canceled, as well. Yeah, joy is canceled. Like this is just because I hadn't right, like for like four or five years, it had just been misery on top of misery on top of misery and like death and loss. And I, you know, I lost my dad, I lost both of my my my wife lost, my ex-wife lost both of her uh parents. I lost like three or four friends to overdose, I lost two friends to suicide, like um and I just like just life was just horrible. And to wake up and be grateful that you're alive compared to being waking up and being pissed off that you're breathing, um, is uh is a blessing. And so I think if I were to just say one thing is it's like you have survived a hundred percent of your worst days. Like if you're listening to this, you have survived a hundred percent of your worst days. And that means that like whatever you're going through today is going to get better. Like, just don't give up.

SPEAKER_01

Just and you're an example of the fruits of your labor will pay off. Amen. You reap what you sow. Mm-hmm. And it what seems so daunting when you're just trying to get to the top of the hill or get around the block or whatever, it's those things. It's those baby steps steps, and it's keeping the hope and the faith that you can come out the other side. Um, before we go though, I do want to give you the floor uh just to talk to anyone who is in that space. And I know you kind of did there, but what would be your what's the mission statement to somebody who's they don't think they can get off the drugs, they're fat, they're out of control, and they hate themselves.

SPEAKER_00

Um, my advice to everybody is find your why. Find your why. Because people ask me that question. You'd be surprised how often I get that question, be it about weight loss. Um, and generally, if there's weight loss, there's like something there's something else that's like you, you, you have found comfort and food for some reason. Um not all the time, but I would say vast majority of the time, find your why. Like what in your life caused you to find a solution and something that wasn't a solution? And once you find that why, work like hell to improve it and heal from it. Once you can look internally and you can touch those dark places you've never shared with anybody else and you can become as comfortable as possible with them, take that to therapist, take that to a 12-step program where you're not gonna get advice on how to deal with it, but you're gonna you're gonna be able to air it. And the more you air it, the less power and the less grip it has on you. So find your why. Like, why am I doing this? Okay, now you found your why. Now heal from it.

SPEAKER_01

I love it. I love it. I'm so proud of you, dude. Thanks, brother. I'm so great. It's so great to see you happy, healthy, and strong. He looks fierce, this man. You gotta see him on video on our YouTube feed if you don't watch all the shows there as well. And you can catch it on all your favorite platforms. And James, uh, you're a stand-up dude. And like I said, it's just it's so great to see you after all 27 years. That's wild, dude.

SPEAKER_00

Let's I don't like we look pretty good for a couple days. I I feel like that. I mean, most days I'm like, I look I'm doing pretty good for almost 46. And I most of the time I don't feel like I'm 46 until like um I went and did one of our hit classes on um Saturday. And my legs are just dying. And I like I text Marcus afterwards, and I'm like, dude, weightlifting is so much better than a HIT class. Like, let me lift some really heavy weight. I'll grunt for a little while, I'll feel strained, and then I'm gonna rest for two minutes. But like this like constant movement for 45 minutes, and I'm sweaty, and like my oh my god, I didn't even lift anything heavy in my legs and my butt cheeks, and everything is so sore, and I'm gonna you'll watch me stand up and I'm gonna stand up like I'm an old man.

SPEAKER_01

I will say this and I will say it with uh with passion. The ladies and some of the guys who do it too, the ladies who work out in the classes here at the gym that I'm at, uh, they're the toughest people in this gym. I did the Pilates Reformer class. They had me wiggling. Those ladies were standing stout and tall. 100%. So I have a thousand things to work on, especially with all those people I saw at the pool yesterday. But it is a community here as it is at your gym. And I'm just so glad that they have you and that you can be a motivator to others who are looking to make a change in their journey. James, thank you so much for sitting down with me. Yeah, thank you so much for having me, man.

SPEAKER_00

It was a blast. Absolute pleasure. It was great to see your face, too.

SPEAKER_01

Great to see you too. We are live at the Stafford Hills Club where you can join as well. Hit us up at Staffordhills.com and remember family memberships are filling up fast and that pool's feeling real nice. Saltwater all day, baby. Staffordhills.com.